he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
