I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize