Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
