There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
