You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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