I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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