We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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