I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
