I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
