I bet he comes in French.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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