just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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