My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
