I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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