I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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