well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
