I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
