some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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