Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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