My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
