my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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