He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
