I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
