Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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