If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
