mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
