Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
