6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
