I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
