News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you inspire me to be a worse person
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
