Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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