The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
