Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
