in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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