i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
