I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
