What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
found the other keg... it's in the tree
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
