How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
