I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I supernannyed him into submission
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
