i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
