Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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