So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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