I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
