I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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