yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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