Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
