how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
