do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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