she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
