FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize