I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
