he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
