I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
