I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you never un-have a 4some
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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