is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
