If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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