I wish I could teleport
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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