I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
