TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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