You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
