Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize