I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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