At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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