went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
