Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
