Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
