Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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