Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We need to rekindle our bromance
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
