umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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