my mouth tastes like poor choices
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize