There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So squirting runs in the family.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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