So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
