My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
