Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize