I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
