yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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