Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
