just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
