You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
