I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
