Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
