it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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