so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
