I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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