I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
