We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
