i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
