Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize