Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
