apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
