Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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