I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
