mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
