There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
