so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
