Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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