Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
