i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
