Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
