How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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