God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
