So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
