New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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