you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
