I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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