I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
