I got chris browned last night
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
