Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
