you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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