The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
