Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize