dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
