Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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