i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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