Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
