So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
